~Peace, Love and Cough Syrup
Wheezin and Tweezin…
I’ve had my fair share of the crappy crud already this season (late summer/early fall-weather change in Texas is BRUTAL for allergies/catch-all-colds). Out of 4 weeks I had been sick 3 of those. It’s the gift that keeps on giving folks. That said. People that normally get their annual cold or such know that sometimes especially when you’re having to power thru, run errands, take care of the kids and just can’t stay home from work… things happen. You start coughing uncontrollably while on an important phone call, you get scared to even take a breath because you don’t know what will happen when that breath comes out. If your really lucky you wont pee a little (kegals girls, kegals) when you sneeze hard enough to blow your brains out. You sneeze, snot, sniffle, cough and hack. (Warning-I wont try to stop you from taking a shot everytime I say snot... but its alot so you may get trashed.) You fill your trash can with empty medicine blister packs and tissues. Its inevitable, and if you are one of the not so lucky few like me I suck it up and ride it out (at work that is, at home I'm a baby and refuse to budge from the couch or bed)(just ask Ethan- my 8 yr old who had to make me dinner one time). Soooo.. I have had the wheezies, the sniffles, and the achhhoooo-hoooos for the past several weeks. I’m toughing it out at my desk, minding my own snot though..and I am finally at that getting better stage where I start becoming appalled at how gross I look. Before I didn't give a crap. But now, my eyes red, with dark purple bags underneath, my hair is pulled into a messy greasy bun and my nose.. my poor nose. Its all scabbed and chaffing from all of the rubs and blows. I haven't even plucked my eyebrows in weeks...I look rough. I need to do something about my nose.. I pull out my handy dandy tweezers and pocket mirror. Now I set at a front desk for all the world to see when they walk through the door to my office. I have been known a time or two or 200 to pluck my eyebrows at my desk. Hey don’t judge I have good lighting with a big window in my office, it also should be noted that I have window tint on that window so that I can see people on the outside but they cannot see all of the not so charming stuff I do right before they enter my office so I usually get away with it.(nothing too gross just random primping or jumping jacks- for those of you who are swearing never to come visit me at work) Anyways back to my nose. I have to peel off the dead skin and rough spots after a cold because that dry skin flapping around in the wind of my breath drives me insane. So I'm peeling away at the flakes, my eyes watering and I am in tears when I accidentally pluck a nose hair. (For anyone who has ever done said thing, I apologize for the flashbacks.) Right as this happens a lady from across the office complex (out of the view of my spy window) walks in. I shove the tweezers and mirror quickly into my desk and turn to face her. Watery snot running down to my lip. I wipe it away quickly with my hand. “Hey! Whats up?” I squack, choking back tears and snot, the pain in my nose has caused. “Ummm… I can come back” she says hesitantly trying not to stare at me. “No it's fine what can I do for you?” I ask “I was just wanting to see if you had a battery I could borrow?” she waves her wireless mouse around in the air. “It went out and I only have one battery… I just needed one more.” "Sure" I jump up out of my chair and walk into the other office where we keep our rechargeable ones and flick one out of the charger. I round the corner and stick out my hand with the battery. The look on her face said it all… I follow her gaze down to my hand ..across my finger and there it is shimmering, in all its slimy glory… glistening in the fluorescent lighting…. a bright green ball of snot on my finger… the one holding out the battery. So, I do the only appropriate thing. I fling the battery at her and wipe the snot on my pants.There are no words people… embarrassed would be an understatement. With a quick “thanks” and a look of gloom and doom and vomit in her eyes she is out the door and running back to her office… poor girl I hope she uses some sanitizer this is one nasty bug.
